When it comes to the crime of child molesting, children today are taught to be more aware of their surroundings, and the fact that they do have the right to say “NO!” than children of earlier generations. Most children know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching.  Of course this does not relieve parents and other adults, whether family members or not, of the responsibility to be observant of how children interact with adults and other children.

            Did I undergo personality or behavior changes after being molested?  Since I was only a child at the time, I am not sure.  But changes in a child can simply be the natural maturing process of their psyche.  They become more perceptive, and are learning a certain amount of independence. These are usually changes that occur slowly over a period of time but sharp and sudden changes in a child’s behaviors or habits should be flags of warning to a parent or other responsible adult who is close to the child.

            Quite often, children who are inappropriate with other children are victims of abuse and this also needs to be watched if not reported.  Much depends on the severity and frequency of such actions. The abused may become abusers if help is not sought.  In fact, this is probably the rule rather than the exception.  The observer must also be aware that children are naturally curious, and playing “Dr.” can be just that. Natural curiosity can be a good thing, if applied properly.  Most parents welcome their children’s questions, and are able to stimulate healthy areas of discovery.    

            When an adult feels compelled to report what they see as aberrant behavior between children, they should be prepared with complete documentation of actions, including who what when and where.  Other witnesses should be listed with contact information if such is available.  Also, should it appear to be small but repetitious acts, the more documentation one has may make the difference in whether or not the person or persons making the report are taken seriously. Of course, in the case of obvious injury or action, there should be no delay in making a report. 

            It should be noted that making an official complaint against an adult that is not substantiated can result in the wrongful ruination of someone’s reputation, and forever alter their life.  I would suggest caution and thorough investigation before filing an official report unless the injury is obvious.

             If we witness a crime and do not report it, we are part of  the problem.  It is far better to be part of the solution.

           

 

           Here is a little about me:  molestation, rape, domestic violence and abuse are all a part of my past history.  I suppose you would call me a true survivor, although I know many who had it much worse than myself.  Indeed, some folks have had such horrific childhoods that one must marvvel at the terrific adults the have become.  Others who claim abuse use it as an excuse to do likewise to others.

            I was raised in a time when these things were not spoken of, and you always respected your ‘elders’.  “Sir” and “Ma’am” were the only way you addressed your ‘elders’ unless you used their titles such as “Mr.” or “Mrs.” so and so.  And you never questioned their actions or words, as that would be showing disrespect.  It also made it nearly impossible to tell another adult that someone had touched you or harmed you in some way. 

            These things often took place in our society, but were never reported, unless a parent had fostered a safe environment and was aware of their children’s changed attitudes and actions.  The worst case scenarios were the only ones reported as there was no denying the fact when the child was bloodied or suffered visible indicators.  Reports of child abuse have risen in the past years, and indicate to me that parents are much more protective and aware of their children today, and trust their children to tell them if there is an incident.

            There are many adults walking around today with the scars of childhood abuse tucked deep down inside them.  I was once one of those adults and it has taken years to come to terms with just my childhood, not to mention my teenage and adult years of abuse.   I hope to encourage others to allow their own healing to evolve, and become happier and healthier.

            Probably the hardest, and the most important thing to do, is to realize that you were not to blame.  Children do not ask to have bad things happen to them, and are definitely innocent victims.  Talking about it, even years later can be of utmost value. 

            The victim may find that whoever they tell about the incident (or incidents) has had the same experience.  For myself, I found group therapy very healing.  It does not need to be with a psychiatrist; perhaps a group of friends that have undergone the experience will be adequate.  If a person  was severely traumatized, it would be  wise to seek  professional  help.              

             Often, people are carrying too much undeserved shame and guilt to be able to open up to someone they know, and need to be seen by a specialist in this area.

 

Where to begin? 

                I would suggest that the most important part of healing that worked for me was to realize that the person or persons involved were sick individuals, and I was simply the hapless victim that happened to be in their path at the moment. 

                It was not due to anything I did wrong, or that I invited.  These individuals were to be pitied, although their actions should never be condoned or excused.  Due to my silence, I often wonder how many other children underwent the same treatment; but as a child, I was powerless to do anything to stop them.  Many children feel the same, I am certain.

Whether they are the bully who belittles his spouse, the wife who makes her husband feel like a timid mouse, children who launch garbage about others into cyber space, or coworkers who make others feel less than themselves, they are bullies.

 

I know of at least one instance where a school girl was so devastated by what went on the internet about her that she committed suicide. 

 

Cyber space is neither anonymous nor private unless these children learn to protect themselves.  We are all probably well aware of the predators who lurk behind false names and identities.  A child who tells the name of their school to a seemingly friendly peer who is a stranger to them may well be giving that individual the keys to the kingdom.  Predators are willing to spend a lot of time grooming their victims.  And it may not be evident that someone is not who they say they are.

 

The same goes for emails that children send to one another.  They should never give out personal information on any subject that should be kept private.  If they don’t want the entire world to know something, they should keep it to themselves.  Class schedules and any passwords should never be given out.

 

Parents have it rough these days, but they must be ever vigilant in every aspect of their children’s lives.  Especially on the internet.

 

As far as in the adult world, the only way to deal with others who wish to bully you is to speak out.  Be firm about their behavior not being acceptable.  Speak up and speak out.

 

Spouses or housemates can be especially troubling.  If you are being abused, it may be safer to leave the situation all together.  If you feel you are in physical danger, leave.  Better to live on the street than not live at all.  There are shelters and agencies who can help today.  Restraining orders can be difficult to obtain, and even harder to enforce.  How much do you want to live?  You are a vital individual, no matter who you are, and are entitled to a decent life.  But it is up to you.

Elder Abuse

Elder abuse is becoming a much bigger problem than even child abuse in the statistics.  Part of this is due to increased reporting, and partly because more ‘boomers’ and beyond are moving in with their children and their families.

 

Why does this happen?  Sometimes it is simply an over burdening of a family that is already stretched thin financially and with small children in the home that also need care.  The middle generation (where there are 3 generations in the same home) is attempting to care for their children, work to meet their budget, and then trying to care for an elder parent who needs a lot of care as well.

 

Sometimes the motive is greed, and other times it is just anger.  The anger can stem from childhood, or with trying to be the parent with their parent in the home.

 

There are some excellent sites on the internet that have statistics, offer resources and give guidance.  http://www.karisable.com/elderabuse.htm  is one such site, with many links to assist anyone searching.  The following is from that website:

 

"Every year an estimated 2.1 million older Americans are victims of physical, psychological, or other forms of abuse and neglect. For every case of elder abuse and neglect reported to authorities, experts estimate that there may be as many as 5 cases not reported. Research suggests elders who have been abused tend to die earlier than those who are not abused, even in the absence of chronic conditions or life threatening disease." Elder Abuse and Neglect: In Search of Solutions

American's over the age of 50 years represent 30% of our population, 12% of our murder victims and 7% of other serious and violent crime victims.

90% of elder abuse and neglect incidents are by known perpetrators, usually family members, 2/3rds are adult children or spouses. 42% of murder victims over 60 were killed by their own offspring. Spouses were the perpetrators in 24% of family murders of persons over 60.

The eldest of our seniors, 80 years and older, are abused and neglected at 2 - 3 times the proportion of all other senior citizens. -- Bureau of Justice Statistics

In most states "mandatory reporters of elder abuse" are required by law to report suspected cases of elder maltreatment. Nearly 70 percent of Adult Protective Service agencies' annual caseloads involve elder abuse.

21.6% of all domestic elder abuse reports came from physicians or health care professionals 9.4% from service providers, 14.9% are family members. The types of abuses and their percentage of frequency are below.

 

National Center on Elder Abuse, 1994 The National Elder Abuse Incidence Study: Final Report Washington, DC: Administration for Children and Families & Administration on Aging, US Department of Health and Human Services

http://www.karisable.com/elderabuse.htm

 

http://www.karisable.com/elderabuseres.htm

 

The following was taken from: http://www.apa.org/pi/aging/eldabuse.html

 

Defined

“Elder abuse is the infliction of physical, emotional, or psychological harm on an older adult. Elder abuse also can take the form of financial exploitation or intentional or unintentional neglect of an older adult by the caregiver.”

 

Here is a link to their educational site:

 

http://www.apa.org/pi/aging/eldabuse.html

 

Help Guide .org is another resource filled with valuable information on many topics.

 

http://www.helpguide.org/index.htm

 

If you find the above information disturbing, please don’t turn a blind eye.  Educating ourselves on this issue is very important if those who are abused can be helped.  Reporting even suspected abuse is everyone’s duty.  Please visit the sites mentioned above, and spend at least a few minutes of your time reading through the material.  We may all be victims one day, and need the information offered.

 

 

Domestic Violence has far reaching consequences, as demonstrated by the following statistics taken from my previous entry:

·  Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or neglected at a rate 1500% higher than the national average.

·  Children are present in 41-44% of homes where police intervene in domestic violence.

We try to keep our children safe, but often they are abused by their other parent simply by example.  Children learn by watching the dynamics of their parent's relationship. If Mom stays in the home with her batterer, she implies to her children that this behavior is acceptable.

Little Johnny and Janey grow up to be battered and batterers.  Indeed, they will probably seek out others who find this behavior 'normal'.

Most women stay in these destructive relationships out of fear.  Fear of retaliation, fear of not being able to support herself and her children, fear of making a leap into the unknown world alone.  Their very souls are battered into submission.

These women need all the encouragement they can get from family and friends in order to build their self esteem and confidence.  Unfortunately, few of them have friends who are willing to offer them these things.  People don't want to get involved the troubles of others and are reluctant to offer the help that is needed. 

If the friend tells the battered woman to get out of the marriage, and she holds it against them for not understanding her circumstances, they may fear that they will lose a friend.  In such cases, the battered woman can at the very least be encouraged to contact sources that can help her to understand her situation.

One such organization is the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.  Their website is located at:

http://www.ncadv.org/

There are others as well, but this one is an excellent beginning.  They can check in their local phone book for other agencies as well.

Sometimes the women fear losing contact with their families.  But should that fear allow them to stay and wind up dead, or imprisoned for defending themselves?  My previous post shows how well self defense works.

While looking for some statistics to provide here, I found this site:

http://www.prisonactivist.org/women/

And on the site was a link to this information:

 

Self Defense is not a Crime

Some Facts on Domestic Violence

• Each day in the U.S., between 5 and 11 women are killed by a male intimate partner, between 1800 and 4000 per year.
• In the U.S. women are more likely to be killed by their male intimate partners than all other homicide categories combined.
• 90% of women murdered are killed by men, men who are most often a family member, spouse or ex-partner.
• There are hundreds of women in California prisons and thousands of women in prisons nationwide convicted of killing an abusive partner.
• Studies show that the vast majority of women who kill their abusers do so as a last resort in defense of their own lives and/or the lives of their children, and that many have stayed with abusive partners because they have been beaten trying to escape or because they rightly feared an attempt at escape would cause their partner to retaliate with violence.
• Battered women who defend themselves are being convicted or are accepting pleas at a rate of 75-83% nationwide.
• In about 85% of spouse assault and homicide cases, police have been called at least once before. In about 50% of those cases, police have responded five times to family violence incidents prior to the homicide.
• Women in the U.S. are much less likely to commit homicide than are men. During the years 1980-84, women perpetrated only 14% of all homicides committed by those 15 years or older, a homicide rate of 2.7. Men committed 86% of all these homicides, a homicide rate of 18.1.
• Between 2.1 and 8 million women are abused by their partners annually in the U.S. At least every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend.
• The Surgeon General has reported for at least 10 years that battering is the single largest cause of injury to U.S. women.
• In national surveys, approximately 25% of U.S. couples report at least one incident of physical aggression between them during the course of their relationship.
• Over 50% of all women will experience physical violence in intimate relationships. For about 25% of them, the battering will be regular and ongoing.
• Women of all class levels, educational backgrounds, and racial, ethnic, and religious groups are battered.
• Almost 90% of the hostage taking in the U.S. is domestic violence. Most hostages are the wives or female partners of hostage takers, although children are frequently taken hostage.
• Abusive husbands and lovers harass 74% of employed battered women at work either in person or over the telephone, causing 56% to be late for work at least 5 times per month, 28% to leave early at least 5 days per month, 54% to miss at least 3 full days of work per month and 20% to lose their jobs.
• 47% of the husbands who beat their wives do so three or more times per year.
• Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or neglected at a rate 1500% higher than the national average.
• Children are present in 41-44% of homes where police intervene in domestic violence.
• At least 53% of all battering husbands also batter their children.
• 75% of women surveyed in some studies report that their children had been physically and/or sexually abused by their batterers.
• 33% of teenage girls report physical violence from their date.
• 21-30% of college students report at least one occurrence of physical assault with a dating partner.
• Between 25-45% of all battered women are abused during pregnancy.
• In many U.S. cities, more than 50% of women and children seeking shelter are turned away due to lack of space.
• An estimated 10% of incidents of domestic violence are reported.
• The injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as injuries suffered in 90% of violent felony crimes, yet under state laws, they are almost always classified as misdemeanors.
• In some surveys, 90% of battered women who reported assault to the police actually did sign complaints, but fewer than 1% of the cases were ever prosecuted...

[facts compiled by the National Clearinghouse in Defense of Battered Women, Washington, D.C.]

Hmmmm...  I think I got more than I asked for.  This has to be an eye opener for most of us.  I know it was to me.  We are aware that it goes on, but I did not realize it was quite this bad.  How many cases are never reported?  These statistics say only 10% are estimated to have been reposted.  How many of those non reports end in death?

This was supposed to be posted on Sept. 21st temporary insanity, I suppose!  But here it is.

 

Today held a special moment for me.  I retrieved my other half from the airport, after a several week visit with his parents back east.  His mother is 92 and his father is 98.  They have been married for 75 years, and after that amount of time I suppose they have the right to argue and squabble.   His mother recently finished reading Mother's Journals: parts 1, 2 and 3, and truly enjoyed it.  During his visit, after a particularly nasty verbal assault on his mother by his father, his mother turned to Al and stated, "That's abuse!" 

I had been afraid that the more coarse portions of the novel might be too much for the dear woman, but it seems that she fully undstood the fictional illustrations in the book, and it opened her eyes a bit.  I could not be more gratified.  This one incident has made it worthwhile!

     Most women know to not walk around on city streets alone after dark, but what else can we do to discourage attack?

    If you must leave work after dark, be sure that you park as close to the front door as possible.  Keep your parked car locked and park under lighting if available.  Some buildings have security guards.  If you park close, they can either walk you to your car or at least watch to make sure you arrive safely.

     Don't wait until you get to your car to look for your keys.  Have them in your hand before you leave the building.  They make a good weapon if you should need one.  Look inside the car before you get in.  Especially in the back seat.

    Always be aware of your surroundings.  If there is something or someone suspicious hanging around, use your instincts and your intuition.  You may want to return to the building for a few minutes until you feel safe, and the circumstances change.

    If you are single and go to the bars, go in a group.  Don't allow yourself to become intoxicated.  That's when we make very poor choices.  If you have taken a friend or two with you as a safety net when meeting someone new, (which I highly recommend) don't dismiss them too quickly.  Remember, even Ted Bundy 'seemed' like a nice guy!

    Don't let fear rule your life, but stay safe, wherever you go.  Attackers don't want someone who looks like they will put up a fight.  They prey on those who look frightened or weak.  So walk with purpose and confidence.  Stand tall and walk like you are determined to reach you objective.    I also highly recommend  self defense classes to anyone .  If nothing else, it will give you self confidence, and you want to use that to your advantage.

 Domestic Violence is generally between adults in a family.  However, quite often any children in the home also feel the effects, if not the actual physical abuse and pain. 

 

When verbal abuse escalates into the physical battering that is so common, children, even very young children, are more aware than the adults realize.  This sets the examples that the child will come to see as normal.  This is especially true if the child sees the parents kiss and make up afterwards.  It then can possibly become an expression of love in their minds.  'He/she hits me because he/she loves me.'  I have heard and felt this rationale.

 

Some of the excuses I used to tell myself it was alright were:

 

I must have upset him somehow.

 

I should just keep my mouth shut and not make him angry.

 

I shouldn't be so demanding of his time.

 

If he didn't love me, he wouldn't care so much.

 

I shouldn't be so possessive.

 

He just had a bad day at work.

 

I should leave him alone when he is in a bad mood.

 

He was too drunk to know what he was doing.

 

These excuses are just that.  Lame excuses.   No one deserves to be battered, regardless of the reasons we may think the other person has. 

 

A spouse is not the same as a parent, and does not have the right to physically punish the other person in the relationship.  From the beginning of a relationship, communication is a key element to success. 

 

Both parties should feel free to speak their minds without repercussions.  This takes trust and the use of tact, which should be two things that both parties possess, promote and work toward in their union.

 

     Domestic Violence is a very real and troubling problem.  We usually think of a husband beating his wife when using this term.  This is not entirely true, however; sometimes the wife is the abuser.  Domestic violence can be any adult in the household against any other adult in the household.  It is basically the term used for adults against adults,  but sometimes is used when a teenager lashes out physically at a parent or parents. 

      In the case of minors, it is sometimes handled differently by different jurisdictions; and of course the severity of the incident and age of the child involved plays a big part in how it is dealt with.  In this situation, if it is severe enough to be considered an adult crime, the so called child may well find themselves in adult trouble.

      Sometimes children who have charge over elderly parents run out of patience, and they become violent.  Occasionally it is the elderly parent who becomes violent. Violence against minors in the household is also domestic violence, as well as abuse.

      Anything that is done to cause physical pain to another in the household must be considered violence.  Unless, of course, a child has earned a much desrved spanking.  And even then, a spanking can become a beating unless the parent has adequate control and doesn't do it in anger.  Sometimes abuse is not violent.  sometimes it is verbal.  But that is another subject altogether.

      If you or someone your know is a victim of domestic violence or abuse, here is an excellent site for information and resources: 

http://www.ncadv.org/aboutus.php  That is the site of  the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

While a child cannot be held responsible for mistreatment, they can be taught to be responsible for reporting abuse to a parent or other adult.  At the same time, they need to be taught what the consequences of false reporting can be.  Most children who are not spoiled and not mistreated will not do any false reporting; but it is necessary to investigate any and all accusations, as children do not usually come up with these things from their own imaginations.

 

Many parents are afraid to spank or otherwise punish their children out of fear that they may be accused of abusing their child.  This is very unfortunate, because the child does not learn boundaries or limits.  Even sending a child to their room does not always work.  Especially if the child in question has access to their computer, phone, television, video games or other entertainment within the walls of their bedroom. 

 

Parents today must be creative when they punish their child, and must be willing to go through it with the child.  Timeouts, withholding allowances and extra chores may work with some children, especially when they are young, but what about an older child?  I have heard of some parents volunteering a wayward child into performing some kind of public service.  Picking up garbage along the road or spending time reading to shut-ins are just a couple of ways to give the child something constructive to do with time they would otherwise spend playing with their toys or peers.  There are many options open to a parent who is creative and concerned.

 

If a child is misbehaving at school, it can indicate that something serious is going on with the child.  Who is interacting with the child?  It could be "bullying" from another child or children, or it could be something much more serious. Sometimes the school counselor will be available to discuss the situation with the parent(s) and come up causes and solutions to any behavior problems,  or with appropriate and constructive options of punishment if it is needed.  In this way, hopefully, the parent can't be accused of abusing the child. This is a small part of what dedicated school counselors can do to assist the parent. 

 

Perhaps other professional help is also needed.  When a parent cannot afford professional help for their child, there is often low or no cost help available.  One must be aware that the misbehavior may be the result of some form of abuse that the child is being subjected to which the parent is unaware of  for various reasons.

 

It is imperative that a child feel they are safe, loved and trusted;  that they can go to their parent with any problem they are experiencing. Especially what might  be embarrassing problems.  Parenting is an awesome responsibility, and those who do it well are to be applauded.  Other close family members can also help with this.  If the child tells you something disturbing is going on, pay attention to what they are saying and investigate.  Obvious signs of abuse such as frequent bruises on an otherwise well coordinated child should be checked into as well.

 

Abused children who become adults are responsible for seeking help and solutions to any lasting influences and effects of the abuse they have suffered.  There is help available; sometimes it simply takes being creative with financing and taking the time needed to search out the help that they need.  Local agencies are often very helpful in this regard.  The Department of Social and Health Services is there to be used, and our taxes go to pay for this, so it is economically prudent to use their services.

How does one who has been abused accept responsibility for the act that was forced upon them?  Children cannot possibly be held responsible for being abused.  They are the true innocents, and should always be held blameless.    Children look to their elders for guidance and protection.  At least, that is how it should be; and indeed, that is what many children were taught and believed.  Children today are often coerced into silence with threats of violence and retaliation if they tell.  In many cases, the abuser is a close family member or friend.  Someone who is seemingly above reproach, and welcome in the family home.  Child abuse has to be the most heinous form abuse in my mind.  It is hard to protest when you are overpowered and outranked.

 

The responsibility here must lie with the abuser.  Unfortunately, they will seldom claim or admit to any responsibility; and indeed, some even commit suicide to avoid it.  These people are in need of serious help, and need to be removed from temptation.  The temptation should not need to be removed from their presence.  That is like saying the child promoted it, and should be punished with banishment.

 

Rape is also a crime where the rapist must bear all  the blame.  Whether it is a case of she waited to say no until the last minute, or she was forced into an alley by a stranger, rape is rape.  A normal person can accept "NO" and deal with it.   Rape is really an act of violence, anger and hostility. It has no more to do with sex than going grocery shopping does.  It makes the rapist feel powerful and perhaps they can justify it in their own mind somehow.  Men seldom complain about being raped, since they would not like to admit that they had been overpowered, and they quite often can be stimulated into cooperating.  In fact, I have heard it said that some men even fantasize about that very thing occurring.

 

Often, rapes go unreported for a number of reasons.  Probably the main reasons are not wanting to face the shame of a trial where the woman's reputation will surely fall into question, and the woman not wanting what might be termed a 'shady' reputation brought to light. They feel that they would just like to put it behind them and be more careful in the future.

 

When I look back on my physically abusive marriage, I can honestly say that I must take some responsibility.  It became a sort of game.  He would do or say something I didn't like, and since I knew where his "buttons" were, I would push him over the edge.  The shouting would start, and his fists would fly.  I always got the worst end of the deal as I would not fight back.  I would fight to get away, but I was afraid that I would kill him if I got physical in return.  Instead, I was a thrower of objects, a slammer of cupboards and drawers.  I met his physical abuse with verbal abuse.

 

Why didn't I just leave?  First, there was a 'payoff' in it for me.  He was always remorseful.  After a fight, he would go out ant spend the night drinking.  The next day I would get roses, access to credit cards to go shopping for what ever I desired, nice jewelry, and even a new car at one point.  The payoff for him was a night of complete freedom, where he could pretend he was single.

 

I had to leave and go back to him 3 times before I realized the 'goodies' I got in order to put up with the behavior were not adequate, and I had done nothing to deserve that treatment from him in the first place.  That is not to say that anyone ever deserves to be beaten, but I had to come to that realization on my own, later.  I kept returning, thinking I could be a better wife, I could help him change, and lots of other rationales.  Finally, I left, knowing that if I didn't, one of us would wind up dead, and I couldn't fix the marriage.  There was not a bandaid made big enough to heal the hurts.  Being an adult, I could make that choice.  Children do not have that option, unfortunately.

 

It is the parent's responsibility to listen to their children, to monitor their behaviors, and be ever watchful.  What an overwhelming responsibility!  And the parents must be able know the child's capabilities and to trust that the child is not making it up to 'get even' with someone if they do tell. That doesn't usually happen unless the child is older, but it does occasionally happen.  It may simply be a case of a parent remarrying and the child being willing to remove the unwanted step parent at all costs, or trying to get rid of a teacher they don't like.  However, this is a very rare occurrence, and all voicing of abuse must be checked out.

 

Unfortunately, this does occasionally happen, and the fact that it has happened before to other people  makes it difficult for the parent to know exactly what to do.  What a dilemma this presents.  Who is telling the truth, and  is the parent willing to investigate when they may have to  press charges?  What if it is a case of incest?  I think many mothers (possibly fathers too) close their eyes to this kind of thing, hoping that the child is lying, but not quite sure who to believe.   And if the incident is reported, what kind of hell will the child be dragged through? I chose to stay a single parent until I was completely alone, in order to avoid the possibilities.  It was the only way I felt that I could truly protect anyone who might be involved in that scenario, especially the child.

 

Studies have shown that abusers were most generally abused themselves.  By putting a stop to abuse, perhaps the chains will be broken, and the cycles stopped.  Some people have come to see that the way they were treated, or the treatment their parents gave each other, is not "normal".  So, slowly, civilization is evolving.  I hope.  And we all must share the responsibility of keeping children safe when we can, simply by being aware.  After all, a parent cannot be everywhere all the time.